I’m glad you weren’t there when it happened. Glad you weren’t there at the time I was reaching into the glovebox to grab a stick of gum. Momentarily distracted, I’m glad you weren’t there when the body slammed into the bonnet, smashing the windscreen and causing me to swerve. I’m so glad you’re not lying here now, breathing your last breath as I breathe mine.
But mostly I am glad that you won’t be here when they find my laptop in the boot. Glad I won’t see your face stricken with shame and disgust as the police tell you what they found. As I clutch the small crucifix in my bloody hand, I’m glad I’ll soon be joining you, my past deeds forgotten, and a new start awaiting me in the great beyond.